okayy the follwing post will be, i don't know. out of control? but i'll calm down.

somethings' have been missing in life. prolly cause brother #1 went back home on fridayy, and it had been 3 months he was here and us spending alot of time together maybe. and then there's just like an empty space suddenly. brother #2 has gone back to stay at aunt's for the weekdays and we'll see him only on weekends. so it's left with mom dad me and another empty lifeless room. the eerie silence at night, the difference in the household. it always sends thrills down my spine.

nonetheless, i bet the last 2 weeks of holidays are going to. be. shitty. i can sense that coming. and tell me about it. no choice but to accompany mom and the little one at home while im still out of school yeah. besides that, i'm gonna have to spice up my own days. maconalds, swimming with the girls, to the library i hope, and of course a saturday out with them ones. who are, i suppose i don't know either. haha but must. meet. mardiana. marzuki. soon. soonest.

and the thing all about yesterday. argh i'm still bloody upset about it but i'm glad it's over. no not because i wanted yesterday to end sooooo much. but because of the ruined things that might hurt people and relationships and friendships.

to whom it may concern, and this is sincerely from the bottom of my heart. i hoped, i wished, that nothing would happen. but it just did. i'm sorry that things went the wayy they weren't supposed to go. and i've had enough of the shoutings. the reason that made me blog about it is that i want you, i want us to realise that sometimes things can't go the wayy we want it to. we understand that you're planning a very big thing which has been going on for a few weeks. this is important to you, and that you are anticipating for this day for weeks hoping it wouldn't bail out on you. i swear i wished that i could go, really could go and help you prepare the things and celebrate the occasion together, but it just wasn't the right time for me. i had last minute changes to my dayy that i can't object to, because she's my mother. i swear that the 3 of us want to go, i can swear that upon my life, but it just wasn't the perfect timing, for it was because it was a sunday, the 2nd(well 3rd) week of raya and my parents had a lot of visiting to do, one had a sort-of abrupt open house. on the behalf of the others, i would like to apologize to you, sincerely and we would like to make it up to you once you're already okayy. if you're reading this, and you feel okayy, i'm just a text/call away.

and then it's because i'm sorry we had to ruin your dayy.

the emptiness that fills me.